Breaking News! The Official Harry Potter Tabloid
by Booji
Summary: Crack on a stick, Harry Potter style. Cowritten with Captain Scrumptious who finally has a new account!  On indefinite hiatus.
1. Socks

Chapter 1: Socks

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. J.K. Rowling does, the lucky bugger.

Breaking news! Harry Potter, savoir of the wizarding world, has bought a pair of socks! When asked how he felt about this incredible event, he replied, "It's a pair of socks. How the /censored/ am I supposed to feel?" Clearly, he was so emotionally overcome by his purchase that he couldn't control his emotions.


	2. Granger

Chapter 2: Granger's Guy

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. J.K. Rowling does, the lucky bugger.

Hermione Granger has a new man! Yup, you better believe it: Hermione's scored another guy. Our top detectives believe his name is "John Seasly." We asked Miss Granger how she felt about this special person and she replied, "This is positively outrageous! How did you find out about this? Are you stalking me?" These reporters wonder: if she's so smart, then why doesn't SHE figure it out?!


	3. Corn Puffs

Chapter 3: Corn-Puffs

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. J.K. Rowling does, the lucky bugger.

Does Harry Potter like Corn-Puffs? This question has been sweeping the nation, so we're here to find out! We caught up with Mr. Potter to ask him exactly how he feels about Corn-Puffs. He said, "What the /censored/ are Corn-Puffs?" Luckily one of our reporters had a few in her pocket, and she gave them to Harry. He popped one into his mouth and promptly started choking and gagging. Obviously, he was so surprised by the magnificent taste that he was unable to chew, and was forced to swallow it whole. So yes, the Golden Boy likes Corn-Puffs.


	4. Thongs

Chapter 4: Thongs

Disclaimer: I don't own Ron or Harry. I do, however, now own Ron's thong.

Breaking news! Ron Weasley, one/third of the Golden Trio, (headed by the amazingly hot Harry Potter) has purchased a thong! Yes, a thong; hot pink to be exact. When we asked Mr. Weasley why he bought that item, he kicked us in the groins and ran off. We believe he may be getting groin-kicking tips from Harry.

A/N: Neither WerewolfQueen1 nor I think Harry is hot.


	5. EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW!

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW!

This week: Lord Voldemort

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. J.K. Rowling does, the lucky bugger.

Sanders: "So, Voldie, what do you plan to do over the summer? Do you know any good vacation spots?"

Voldie: "I plan do go to Hawaii and I hope to get a tan because I'm looking quite pale these days..."

Sanders: "If you're so pale, why don't you go to Tutie's Top Tanning Place?"

Voldie: "I've tried that but every time I walk in people start screaming, and attacking me, like I'm some kind of Dark Wizard."

Sanders: "Well, that's because you're the number one most wanted wizard right now."

Voldie: "wiggles eyebrows I knew I was attractive."

Sanders: "Uh…that's not what I meant…but now that you mention it..."

Sanders: "Since you are the most wanted wizard, how do you buy your food? I mean, there's no place for you to do it, since when anyone glances at you they run away screaming."

Voldie: "What you mean where do I get my food? At the supermarket of course. Although when I go to check out the person behind the counter runs away, so I get my food free of charge, much better then the senior discount."

Sanders: "Okay then, thank you for taking the time out of your schedule, to be with us this morning."

Voldie: "You know how many people I could have put through pain by now..."


	6. Wedding Bells?

Chapter 5: Wedding Bells?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. J.K. Rowling does, the lucky bugger.

It was reported that Harry Potter is getting married! This reporter caught up with him to ask him about his "secret" plans. He says, "I'm getting married? To who? Man, Ginny is going to be pissed." A friend tells us that Harry and his mystery bride plan to get married in Romania and have their honeymoon in Jamaica. I asked Miss Hermione Granger if she had any inside information. She said, "What? Harry is definitely not getting married!" and punched this reporter in the nose, and politely walked away.


	7. Booboos

Chapter 5: Booboos

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. J.K. Rowling does, the lucky bugger.

Harry Potter has a booboo! Early yesterday morning Harry James Potter cut his finger! We asked him how he felt about this and he replied by kicking our reporter in the crotch. Though he won't give us details our detectives believe that the cut was caused by either bubble wrap, a hamster, or Lord Voldemort.


	8. Underwear

Chapter 8: Underwear

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry, Hermione, Ron, or any of the listed underwear types. But that would be, like, TOTALLY AWESOME!

It is a very memorable day for Mr. Harry Potter. He has switched from Fruit-Of-The-Loom to…Jockey's! Yes! The Chosen One has changed his type of underwear. We asked Ron Weasley why he thinks Harry switched underwear types. He said, "He was always complaining about how Fruit-of-the-Loom doesn't fit his figure quite right. Harry has a very complex figure, or so he says." To get more of an inside scoop we caught up with Ms. Hermione Granger to ask her a few questions. Ms. Granger rolled her eyes and said, "Oh my /censored/ God, Harry Potter changed his type of underwear, the world is coming to an end!" Then she screamed in our faces, "Who in the name of /censored/ would care he changed to Jockey's? GET A LIFE!" She is clearly suffering from some sort of anger disorder.


	9. New Look

Chapter 9: New Look

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry or the "Disney boy" hair style. I do own 'mystery girl', however.

Harry Potter's new appearance! You better believe it: Harry Potter has got a whole new look! His once-black locks have turned blond and he now has the shaggy "Disney boy" hairstyle. His hair is not the only thing to change; he has a completely new wardrobe. We spotted Mr. Potter in black leather with a mystery girl on his shoulder just a week ago.


	10. Late Breaking News

Chapter 9.5: Late-Breaking News!

Disclaimer: Yep, it's the disclaimer. You know the drill, folks, I don't own squat in here.

Late-breaking news! That was not Harry Potter we saw, but a clever facsimile. Go back to your homes, have cake, and pay no attention to the paparazzi.


	11. Author's Notice

A/N:

Okay guys, please listen up- If you have compliments about the story, please either review or PM the creative genius WerewolfQueen1, who is the reason this has gotten so many readers. If you have requests for more updates or suggestions, please PM me. I am the one who updates this, and PMing WerewolfQueen1 asking for more updates will do you nothing. And please, be patient. We both have fairly busy schedules and can't update as quickly as we could in the summer.


	12. ANOTHER EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW!

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW!

This week: Professor Dumbledore

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. J.K. Rowling does, the lucky bugger.

Another of our many reporters, Amanda Danerstrom, went to Hogwarts to interview the headmaster of the school, Professor Dumbledore!

Danerstrom: So, Professor, what is your opinion about the One Golden Chosen Boy?

Dumbledore: One Golden Chosen Boy?

Danerstrom: Yeah; I think it's kinda catchy, don't you?

Dumbledore: No.

Danerstrom: Ah. Moving on! So, how do you like being Headmaster?

Dumbledore: It can be very stressful. Why, just the other week I saw a conga line of naked, drunken house elves coming back from Hogsmeade at two in the morning!

Danerstrom: …eww…Moving on! What do you have to say about the allegations that you are spiking your collection of lemon drops with vodka?

Dumbledore: That is outrageous! Here, have a lemon drop.

Danerstrom: Thanks. /eats lemon drop/ Wheeee… /falls asleep/

Dumbledore: whispers I put tranquilizers in my lemon drops, not vodka.

A/N: Neither WerewolfQueen1 nor I are accusing Dumbledore of taking drugs. We're just thinking it. VERY loud /wink/


	13. EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW! AGAIN!

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW!

This week: Professor Snape!

Disclaimer: Do you REALLY need me to tell you again?

One of our other top reporters, Nataliya Mason, took a trip to Hogwarts to interview one of the Professors that taught the Golden Trio.

Mason: Professor Snape please tell us, did you enjoy teaching Mr. Potter?

Snape: No.

Mason: You are the head of Slytherin; do you enjoy teaching people from other houses?

Snape: No.

Mason: Did you always dream of becoming Potions master?

Snape: No.

Mason: You would rather be in Hawaii with hot girls wearing skimpy bikinis dancing around you?

Snape: No. Wait…could you arrange that for me?

Mason: Yes. I'll have my people call your people.

Snape: I don't have 'people'.

Mason: Really? It's always good to have people.


	14. Author's Note

A/N: Okay, everyone. MyVampricRomance has the next couple chappies on her laptop, but for unknown reasons, won't/can't email them to me. So it will be a little while before the next installment comes out.

COMING SOON: EI with Hermione Granger! One word: Playboy. Also advertisements.


	15. Big D Goes Gold

Chapter Fourteen: Big D Goes Gold

Breaking news! Dudley Dursley, cousin (and dear friend) to the illustrious Harry Potter, has become a rapper! 'Big D', after several attempts to become a football star (and one memorable attempt to skydive off of Big Ben), made a gold album in the first weeks of his career. His top songs are a remix of "I Am the Walrus" and the self-written "Stole My Sole", based on an experience of a young fangirl trying to steal his sneakers. Following numerous attempts by us, your crack reporters, to secure an interview with Dudley, he finally agreed to speak with us. "Oh, me an' Harry, we're tight" was his response to our question as to his relationship with his famous cousin. "Yeah, he was famous first, and he always got the girls, but that's never affected how close we are. Now that _I_ get the girls, he'll be _beggin'_ me for an autograph."


	16. GUESS WHAT THIS IS?

A/N (B): We're back! Unfortunately, I can't find the interview with Hermione we did before I left. This was suggested by JJ Rust, by the way.

One of our top reporters, Jane Zippit, met up with of the Golden Boy's BFFs (for those who do not get the hip, swingin' terms of the century, this phrase means Boiled Frankfurters Freakout), Lavender Brown. We asked her a few questions regarding Harry's lifestyle...

Zippit: So, what is Harry's favourite pastime?

Lavender: Ron likes reading porn mags… for four hours…

Zippit: … Oo … okaaaay… what are some of Harry's favourite movies?

Lavender: "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days" was always Ron's favourite! /sniffles/

Zippit: . … umm… Harry's favourite food?

Lavender: Ron would always eat Cheez Doodles dipped in chocolate yogurt! And then he'd make out with me and it tasted like chocolatey cheese AND IT WAS SO ROMANTIC! AAAAAA! WONNIE-POO, WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME FOR THAT UGLY HAG WITH BAD HAIR?!

Zippit: -- … WTF?!

At that point, Ms. Brown became totally incoherent and began frothing at the mouth. We were forced to call trained professionals to remove her, and she is now in intensive care for what was revealed to be a case of aggressive rabies.

A/N (MVR): Heylo, people of earth! We're back, baby. So, we were sitting here at, you know, midnight and we were like, "Oh yeah, we should update BN!" 'Cause writing a fanfiction at midnight really gets those creative brain-juices flowing. x)


	17. ZOMG, TOO MANY INTERVIEWS

A/N (B): Suggested by slytherinprincezz

THE INSIDE SCOOP! THE EXCITING TALES OF DRACO'S LIFE AS A FREE-LANCE TAXIDERMIST!

One of our only male reporters, Ben Dover, got the inside scoop on Draco Malfoy's glamorous new job!

Dover: So, what's it like putting stuffing in glorified roadkill for a living?

Draco: Who told you that, man? That's BS, man, total BS. I sell bobble-head dolls at football games, dumbass.

Dover: Yeah, yeah. Must be nice. I bet rich old ladies pay you buckets of dough to stuff their dead kitties, huh?

Draco: I told you, I sell bobble-heads! I have less than no money! I sleep in the back of taxies!

Dover: Betcha spend all of that dough on prostitutes for every night and coke, right?

Draco: Replace that with forty year-old man-whores five years ago and cheap grass, you got it.

Dover: … :O

Draco: … lol :D


	18. Leather: Hot or Not?

A/N (MVR): Obviously, the website ain't real. xP

Fashion Crisis- Leather Pants Mayhem

While one of our top reporters, Fabio Gnu, was stalking- er, _following_ Professor Snape's trail, we discovered something shocking. So shocking and juicy that it will blow your eyes straight out of your head. Yes, we discovered that our very own Potions professor enjoys wearing leather pants in the comfort of his home. As you can imagine, Snape does not have the so- called "hot" body of Orlando Bloom, and leather pants don't exactly flatter his figure. We have pictures coming up in next month's issue. However, Gnu did spread this news around, and we have different opinions of this growing epidemic…

Gnu: Do you have any thoughts on Snape's new look?

Random Person # 1: Eww, I don't even know why someone like him would buy pants like that… I mean, he is not an attractive dude, and when you add leather pants into the mix… I just threw up in my mouth.

But we didn't stop there.

Gnu: Snape's new look, do you dig it?

Random Person # 2: He looks yummy. What a stud-muffin!

Gnu: …?

Random Person # 2: Y'know, hot taco? Spicy ramen? You following me?

The public has many opinions, in fact seventy- three percent of society claim leather pants is a "turn off." Do you agree? Vote at:

www. the leather pants fight . com / snape zomg omigosh /

Random Person # 2: I still think he's a stud-muffin that I'd eat any time. :D

Rest of the World: …WTF?!


	19. Completely Normal INTERVIEW!

Exclusive Interview!

One of our top reporters, Uri Ranus caught Hermione Granger exiting a Playboy photo studio. Using the Two Bs of Journalism (Blackmail and Bribe), Ranus was able to extort an interview with Ms. Granger.

Ranus: So, Hermione, how did you like the photo shoot?

Hermione: Well, Uri…wow, that's a dumb name…I was uncomfortable at first, having nude pictures of me shot, but I felt much better when the photographer let me put on bikini bottoms and hug a bottle of frosty beer with three other women.

Ranus: Who knew beer was sexual!

Hermione: I sure didn't…but now I can't look at a can of Budweiser without remembering…

Ranus: /wiggles eyebrows/

Unfortunately, Ms. Granger pulled her GK on our reporter and ran off with the 200€ previously obtained (under duress). She later sued our reporter for sexual harassment, mental anguish, and emotional trauma.


	20. Lovely Lingerie

Breaking news! Harry Potter has launched his newest clothing store, called Lords of Lingerie. His best-selling item is the scarlet and gold thong-and-bra set. Mr. Potter is very proud of his success and will be choosing models at the Grande Opening. When asked why he spelled grand the way he did, he responded, "Well, 'grande' just sounds better, like chocolate in a fancy gold box with those curly letters. And the really good caramels inside! Man, those things are good. My favourites are the butter creams…" Mr. Potter then began drooling copiously and was taken away by armed guards.

A/N (B): You may be wondering why we put so many crude jokes in here. Well, the answer is... MVR is immature and hates to lose. I'm also immature and hate to lose (that's how I know). Brownies for whoever gets that reference :)


	21. Midnight Munchies

Dumbledore: Midnight Munchies?

Late last night, your courageous reporters followed Professor Dumbledore from his mansion in Innsbrook to a location so shocking that readers with high blood pressure should skip over this article and go to the Mild-Mannered News section. Now for the reveal: Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore went to the grocery store! Yes, the Headmaster of Hogwarts gets midnight snacks! When asked to comment on this stunning twist, Dumbledore said only, "Guess what colour socks I'm wearing?" then ran away giggling. We have no idea what that meant or how it was relevant to the conversation, but we, as your, strong, freedom-avocating, awesome, fantabulous, funderful, and xylophone reporters, will get the truth out!


	22. Minerva’s Mystical Mousse!

Minerva's Mystical Mousse!

Yes, you've heard us correctly, Minerva McGonagall has created her own brand of hair mousse. The product claims to give you "sex hair". We asked McGonagall for any comments on her new products.

Reporter: Do you expect your product to sell? I must admit, there hasn't been any advertising; I haven't seen any commercials, ads or anything. You think it's possible it'll just sell because you are the teacher of the ever-so-famous-and-extremely-well-built Harry Potter?

McGonagall: No ads? Babe, I'm the ad. I'm a walking ad.

Reporter: …?

McGonagall: You think I get this wind-blown look naturally? I mean, I'm sex-on-legs! If I use my gel and I look this gorgeous, don't you think other people will want to look like a full-blown sex-pot too? ;]

Reporter: =O! You know, that should be part of your advertising "Try Minerva's Mystical Mousse ~ For guaranteed sex-hair!" Pretty darn gnarly, don't cha think? You should make a jingle. Like, one of those really annoying ones that get stuck in the back of your head? *whistles Stairway to Heaven, adding lyrics SEX HAIR lyrics*

McGonagall: Freakin' A!

Here's the official ad:

MINERVA'S MYSTICAL MOUSSE!  
For guaranteed sex-hair! 

Purchase yours now for only three easy payments of $78.36, plus shipping and  
handling. (Do not use Minerva's Mystical Mousse if you have any of these conditions/illnesses; gonorrhea, Alzheimer's, afrophobia, or psorisis. Symptoms may include; heart attack, extreme need for buttsecks, liver failure, or death. Talk to your podiatrist before usage) Call Now! 222-HOT-HAIR  
Or visit our website: www . I-need-sex-hair . com

A/N: It's been a while! Now I feel really irresponsible XP Coming next: Hagrid's fitness program!


	23. Bison on a Plane!

Voldemort Drops Evil Schemes for Pop Hit!

That's right, you're hardly dyslexic, Voldemort is dropping evil for something far more important for the general society! Voldemort, formally known as you-know-who is forming a band called the 'Sugar Lumps', this new indie/pop/metal/alternative punk/disco/electronic/funkalicious band is scheduled to release their debut album 'OMGWTF?' in early July. Their new single, _Bison on a Plane_, will be released tomorrow, and here, a gift from your lovely reporters (who happen to be very skilled at blackmail *ahem*) is a sneak preview of the song…

Lyrics:

At an airport;

(Oooh) Code four. Is more. Important than a code three.

Buuutttt not as important as a code fivveeee.

'Cause a code five is more important than a code fourrrr, and a CODE FIVE is aaaaa BISON (BISON, BISON) ON A PLANE!

[chorus]

Ooooh,

Bison on a plane,

Oooh,

Shaggy – haired (land oriented mammal, OH YEAH),

And ooooh,

it's a pretty gnarly animal,

wowowow ohhh!

Bison on a plane,

Bison on a plane,

Yes, a bison,

Not a yak!

Ohhh, yeah.

Bison (commonly referred to as the American Plains Buffalo)

We are not allowed to reveal our sources, or give you the second half of the song, for copy write reasons, and the ministry claims any more exposure to the song will melt the young brain juices of the youth, so it is strictly prohibited. To learn more about the Sugar Lumps, visit their website .bison for show times, lyrics, ticket prices, and more!

To inform us more about the band we've have Voldemort himself!

R: What made you choose the theme of bison for your first single of the new album?

V: The song is technically about bison, yes, but the true meaning is about my struggle with women.

R: Elaborate?

V: You may find this hard to believe coming from a stunningly attractive man, like myself, but I have some complications with holding down a girlfriend. Women are like wild bison in so many unflattering ways! … *sigh*

R: …? *stifles nose snort*

V: Well, once they've… um, to keep this PG rated let's just say, "Chomped your grass" or "Grazed your fields" they move on to a slightly less green field with a cooler car than you. The song has no relevance to the topic, though, so I decided to just make it complete rubbish, so people think there's a deeper meaning… but I guess there really isn't. But the song Life Sucks; Then You Die is full of deep lyrics about a crumpled up dry soul that is ready to be thrown in the darkest pit of the underworld… it's a fun song, great for the family, it also raises awareness about chemical testing on animals. :DDD

A/N (MVR): I was in an interesting mood the day I wrote this. Um, yeah! I feel irresponsible now… xD

Sorry about the wait.

A/N (B): My bad, I accidentally lost five chapters :-( Sorry!


	24. Move Over, Justin!

Move Over, Justin!

Draco Malfoy has officially brought sexy back! Mr. Malfoy, or "Mr. Sexyman", as we call him, has started his new career as a male model with Health Magizine. Draco will be starring in HM's new infomercial about prostate cancer as The Guy With Prostate Cancer (catch it on Channel 7-Squared tonight!). Your splendiferous, fabtastic reporters attempted to catch up with Draco to get an interview, but were unfortunately teterred by a team of highly trained ninjas. However, we did aqcuire two tickets for free prostate exams. They will be raffled off this weekend (due to our lack of /censored/), even though we suspect they may have Malfoy Cooties, a substance ten times more valuble than gold.

Next time: Ron Wins Breakdancing Contest!


	25. LoserFace

… Ron Weasley lost a break-dancing contest today. That is all.


	26. Author's Note: OMG PERVERTS

A/N: We're changing the rating of Breaking News! to M, as you've probably noticed. We have our reasons; mainly, we're perverts. So if perverty things squick you, then PROCEED WITH CAUTION. If you stop reading this… we don't blame you. This may seem immature to you. It is. Alternately, this may seem not Mature (as in the rating) to you. It's a buffer zone, basically; we never know how low we'll sink. Thanks for your continued readership!


	27. Brangelina v Ron: Ultimate Smackdown!

Brangelina vs. Ron

Ron Weasley, one-third of the Golden Trio, is reportedly being sued by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. The reason? A lone penis. Ron recently named his wang "Brangelina", which was copywrited in 2006. The original Brangelina is taking legal action against the penis. Their only words on the matter was this statement from Angelina: "He, like, stole our name! And gave it to a penis! It's like being violated. You could never understand the pain of some guy naming his cock after you!" Ron's penis was not available for comment, but Harry Potter, a.k.a Mr Sexcellence, protested the suit. "I know Ron, and I really know Ron's penis. There is only one name that Ron would ever give his wang, and that name is… /dramatic pause/ … Johnny. Actually, it's Mary Jane, but I've always wanted to name mine that… just wanted to get that out there. Johnny's much sexier, anyways; it screams, 'I'm a bad, bad boy.' /licks lips/"


	28. NOT ACTUALLY EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW D:

Broken news (because 'major' news stations have already covered this story, damn them)! Hermione Granger, former Playmate and current member of the Golden Ménage à Trois, has just been caught in a massive drug sting! If this wasn't shocking enough to the loyal fans of the unsung egghead of Harry's Gang, the sting was spear-headed by none other than Lord Voldemort! We, as Ms Granger's most feverent stalke- _admirers_, were stunned, and had to get to the bottom of this, regardless of the fact that many others before us had tried and succeeded (damn them all…). Being as glorious and mouth-wateringly sex-a-licious as we are, we procured another interview with Voldemort (or 'Trouser Snake', as he was soon dubbed). This also provided our newest reporter, part-time stripper Bambi Turburble, with an opportunity to shine in a non-sexual way.

Turburble: Trouser Snake, you're known all over the world as, like, That Really Evil Guy That Looks Like A Snake; why would you risk that reputation on such, like, an un-sex-a-licious scandal? O:

Voldemort: Well, Bambi, if you ever call me Trouser Snake again, I'll stab you in your STD-infected groin. On a more serious note, I've always thought that taking a strong stand against drugs was important. You know those 'D.R.U.G ' pencils? I totally invented them. *nods*

Turburble: But Trouser Snake, drugs are, liiiiiiiiike… drugs! :D

Voldemort: I swear, one more time… I actually have very strong family values. The notion of a traditional family is being pwnz00rd by so many influences, none stronger than drugs. You know, I used to take drugs myself. I know everyone thinks I look like this because of 'evilness' or 'natural sexitude', but it's actually because of the coke-flavoured meth I took back in the day. And by 'the day', I mean up until month ago; I got my drugs from Hermione. But one day, I got some bad weed brownies. I had to get revenge.

Turburble: … so you don't really have family values? You've lied to us all, Trouser Snake! D:

Voldemort: Okay, that's it. AVADA KEDAVRA!

*Turburble's corpse falls to the floor*

Voldemort: That's right, bitch. No-one fucks with the V-Dawg. Word. *swings pimp chain*

Fortunately, we were able to retrieve the black box recorder from Ms Turburble's remains, so her sacrifice was not in vain.

And for the readers hoping for a look into Hermione's fragile psyche, don't worry! An attempt is being made by Cecilia Sanders, one of the few reporters to not quit after an EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW! ™, to break into the jail where Hermione is being held.

---

A/N: So we've finally updated. Hooray for motivation! :D (And we're serious about the interview with jailed!druggie!Hermione, too.)


	29. Author's Note: An Apology

Author's Notice!

I (Booji) would like to take this opportunity to feverently apologise for what has become less of a schedule slip and more of a prolonged, unannounced hiatus. RL has been kicking both our asses, especially in the school-related area, so we haven't been able to write as much as we'd like. Since we're on summer break right now, we theoretically have more time to work on BN, but that's a little tenuous given vacationing and things like that. So, in short, I don't know when we'll be updating next (hopefully soon!), but we haven't forgotten about this lovely, bizzare story.


End file.
